That black shade line ,

on top of that teakwood I also do not find that perfect , that is what follows by not getting to go on with everything , by these 'pause's' , breaks of month's that I can not do a thing to finish , with that fact and the fact of last year , the passing away of my grandfather of my mothers side make's it a difficult thing to put my trust in what or so ever , ofcourse it is supporting to think about Alison , but we all need her reply to me personal and not some mediahype of thing because a lot of my choice's railed on her track in that way she better does not deny me just one thing , at least a answer in full for the letters that I did not recive , and this not trough television and then as a Chinese whisper again , still I do think optimistic what I shouldt but this painfull spot of set-back on set-back on the start of this , and the whole world not laughing at me then , but feeling down about it all happens easely in these moments with that much change one year and a few month's later give's the hammer , not the foodlack hammer but I do need that Alison sees that , that that bedroom will be oké , but that I need an end to this wait of reply from her , everyone does do that and I think has no problem with it me expressing this , and got a right to it to say that , my grandfather did not like to go on that much afraid of Alzheimer and his weakend heartconditions , and passed away greatfully and without a fear of dieing , still I thought wrong about Alison then , what hurts that those thoughts if he had where then also wrong on his last day's , my mother told he liked to stay up at night sometime's to look at my weblog to , what gave me some relief in that he knew me , and think he did then understand also that I returned thinking about Alison , with what see wanted also me to do that , as I did , and be greatfull on that to that I try to finish that bedroom till so far , but also then 'flee' with her to America for the same resons he also worried about this country and how we treat each other , so also wanted in his last tired day's not the explaining about how wrong I was handled by the 'news' more to say lies Erik sended over about me , but he must have understood with that much fans and people believing me , he also wouldt have said think about Alison again , as what I do , think about her what is the extra hope on getting even with this undeserved situation that this work goes so slow and confronts me with to much of a recent past , that also wouldt have been a given wise worning from him say when my grandmother his beloved wife wouldt have passed away before him , that I do remember , and also that right to feel that way sometime's and got the right to know from Alison by Alison her self now , or it will be unfair again everything while working on this .