Schenkel , femur , shank ,

aha , yes I will slowly go on back to Dutch , what the English speaking will like just as the Dutch , nothing to fast , because then I will be to dishonest and acting to easy like some spoiled rotten child as if it all is so easy to me what it isn't , most of my hang up of things was on expectations with Alison , but what we know , she don't care how I feel and about how others feel about the past time and what it al means , I am then also going back to that idea that I will stay single , having no kids , lost a year putting al on hold in the Netherlands , and have to hope I get to a new laptop to form a product out of all I did write and photograph with maybe still a small chance a Dutch publisher sees something in it , but the digitalcowards are still busy to ruin everything of sweet nice and neat life with a strong honest foot down , by hacking away every organised thing in life so things look ugly by held in rage or shown anger about it , so they can incorrecly say that composure and contentness is not helping to a better world , they want to be hated and the most by people who don't want to hate , with victims as my bank that had a whole week of trouble putting payments available on the A.T.M.'s and this Monday again payments were only to be done trough payphone , what means extra costs , but the most threatning payments I did pay in time , and it means getting back to real calculative expences in the domestics , luckely I calculated that in by learning to make a soup again , and eating as less cheap as possible so the cheap period comming again will be just a feeding , with still my bedroom to go for in those moments I'll be having in these afternoons or mornings before eating and get that waitingtime to a good use , today a small dishes to do so cleaning the kitchencupboards is a good thing with the dishwater left , with this strenghtning soup having it's first boil and then to stand still to chill in all it's values and taste's to a good soup to at least get something warm in on these warm summerday's that returned here in the Netherlands .